Monday, March 26, 2012

Just Another Day in the Life...

I found myself thinking everyday is like the one before and rarely differs. My life came to the highs of being boring, somewhat really lame, and a rush of unfulfillment. I guess it came down to me wanting this reason, a sign, to turn my life into something beautiful, something worthwhile.  
I've came to this thought, at one-year before a quarter century that I needed to invest time where it counted, somewhere it actually benefits not only the short, but the long term.
Sadly, I've noticed friends fade away (not because we want it or that it ended badly) but because it slowly happens. I've seen girls disappear, even when there was a time in my life where I couldn't possibly think my life could get any better. 
All these little things from my past to even the present, has made me realize that I really need to take time and invest in myself.
My best friend, Tyler. (who I view as one of my brothers) Who I've had the opportunity to hear his countless number of funny advice statements, questions, and remarks that really help me realize how silly or just a 'wtf moment' that was going on in my thought process. 
I walked away from visiting that dirty states across the Mighty Mississippi with a slight change of perspective. (besides besting Ty in pool 4-1) We had one of those life changing drunken conversations... (or was it one of those super-hung over convos that happen on our way to find food.. That's not really important) but he gave me this way to think about my life/future. 

Small Changes. No one realizes the power of them. You don't even know the power of them. Take a look at your life and think of that small change that you made. Now look where it took you or what you can do. 
Small changes suck at first, because we get absolutely no gratification short term. All the hard work, it seems as if its just pointless to keep trying. But think about 3 years down the line. 
That small change = a huge change. Don't Believe Me? Try drawing a straight line and at the same starting point draw a line that has a small change in the slope. Yeah, what do you see?

I thought about this, probably a little too much on the way back from that dirty state, but something clicked. I realized if I didn't spend all that time being awful at guitar, I wouldn't be able to play a handful of songs, or write my own songs.
If I never kept pursuing to learn another language, I would have never set myself up to be prepared for a short term living experience in Taiwan. 
Things started to click everywhere! One of those moments of, sweet lord, how could I have not seen that before. 
That lead me to really, truly believe in, that we can somewhat control our realities. Not in that "Secret" BS, but in more of a simple, yet subtle change of our perception. I believe that there are so many different opportunities out there, yet we haven't tuned into that frequency to be able to "see them open", awaiting for the taking. I think it really takes a conscious awareness of that certain thing you want from this universe to be able to seize them. 
Sure, you can think, "I want a cookie." and obviously a cookie isn't going to appear from out-of-no-where (unless you have some badass roommates). But with this thought, it's very general (there are thousands of different types of cookies). If you make it more specific, as in "I want a chocolate chip cookie.", you have set yourself to think about where you could get one, long before you even become aware of it. 
I hear people say, "I want to find a job." Well, I'm sorry to say, but there are jobs everywhere! Sure, most of them aren't what you want, but it was stated, "I want to a find a job". General statements lead to no where. If it became more specific as stated before, BAM! You'd already be looking where to find that exact job and be thinking of different scenarios of what you could be doing.
Viewing reality this way, doesn't mean it will always play out to your exact expectations. I think it offers a basic understanding of how your thought process can alter your actions or patterns through this life.
I understand it is only a small change in perceiving this(your) reality, so who knows if it actually is a probable theory/thought. 

Much Love,

PS. Might have gone a little too deep in the rabbit hole this time. But sometimes, it's good for the soul. After that being said, Let's just enjoy this picture.
What are you waiting for?


Sunday, March 4, 2012

Lost Memories

Moments in life can stain our memories. No matter how far back they are, it's something that we can re-live like they happened yesterday.

These are the moments that derail us from the tracks that we are following in this life. They are the events that were the game changers that made us who we are in this moment of time. If it wasn't for those moments, would we be the same person we presently are?

It was a sunny day. What a great day for Homecoming. We were driving over to see the TP decorations that we had made the night before. 2 friends in the front cab, 3 of us up against the cab in the back and 1 friend leaning on the back tail. The road was quite curvy and we were passing a car. We take the turn faster than we should and life warps into this slow-motion state. I shout, "Ooohh Ssshhhhiiii...." I don't remember finishing the phrase before I realize that we are going into a barrel roll. 
 Life seemed to freeze. I thought to myself, “This truck is rolling, I am still in this and (I feel the presence of my friend right next to me) shit, so is Matt. I keep envisioning that my head will be the filling of this truck/ground sandwich at any moment now, and I have only one option. Grab Matt, throw him out and hope we survive this. I close my eyes and carried out my plan. It’s weird, I have this feeling of floating. The feeling was longer than expected. When a truck is rolling and your flying in the air, you don’t expect to “float”. I must have blacked out for a bit as I wake up when my body bounces off the green grass. I spring up to my feet fast enough to see the final roll of the pick up truck and yell, “PETER! PETER!” I see his giant arms pulling himself out of the cab and a sign of relief comes over me as everything fades to black.

Over the years, I haven’t forgot a single step in those few seconds, but everything before and after is a complete blur. I have no idea what we were doing before or where we went after. I’m assuming we went to the hospital but I have no clue. I guess the only thing I do remember is a mental picture from overhead. Of the four of us in the ambulance, Peter, Matt, Billy, and I. Which Billy was the only one in the stretcher, bitching about why he had to be the only one strapped down and not any of us. I remember he was more pissed about losing his hat than anything else. 

I bought you the same hat that you lost and was going to give it to you. I was wearing it and you said, "fucker. I like it." And you wouldn't take it. I guess that writes it. I'll make sure to not lose this one in a field. 

Happy Birthday Billy. Miss You Bud.

Much Love